If I ever build a shrink ray, I'm going to name it the Internet

Found in the comments to a diary post at Daily Kos, left as part of someone's signature:

If the Earth really were your mother, she would grab you with one rocky hand and hold you under water until you no longer bubbled. -- Kathleen Dean Moore

It's a small world. Kathy Moore works in the Philosophy Department at OSU.

Also, the quote is pretty darn funny.